


Bad Pick Up Lines

by NotEvenCloseToStraight



Series: Short Stories! [8]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Cheesy, Deadpool being Deadpool, Fluff, Funny, Getting Together, M/M, Pick Up Lines, Prompt Fill, Spideypool - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-09 00:36:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11657955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenCloseToStraight/pseuds/NotEvenCloseToStraight
Summary: From an Anon Tumblr Prompt'=== Wade giving Peter cheesy pick up lines ex: "Is that a phone in your back pocket because your ass is calling me"Andrew Garfield is Peter Parker / Ryan Reynolds is Deadpool





	Bad Pick Up Lines

  
For my anon prompt: is that a phone in your back pocket because your ass is calling me   
  
Peter is Andrew Garfield/ Wade is Ryan Reynolds

********************

“Hey did it hurt?”

“Huh?” Peter looked up from brushing the dirt off his suit to see Deadpool peering down at him from the fire escape in the dirty alley.

“Oh. Hey Wade. Did what hurt? Oh the--” he motioned to his dirty suit. “Just took a tumble through a construction yard chasing someone. No biggie.”

“No, I meant did it hurt when you fell from Heaven.” Wade corrected, leering at Spider-Man from behind his mask.

“Good grief.” Peter muttered and turned away. “Don't you have anything better to do than spy on me and drop terrible pick up lines?”

“Well.” Wade dropped onto the ground next to him. “I'd  _ definitely  _ have something better to do if you'd go out with me.”

“I told you no dates.” Peter said firmly. “My identity is very inportant to me, and you need to respect that. Besides--” and now he was grateful his mask covered his blush. “--besides you just like me because I'm covered in spandex.”

“I resent that!” Wade sounded horrified. “While I will admit to staring for hours at your...at your….” his head tilted to the side exaggeratedly, dropping to stare at Peter's ass. “Sorry, what was I saying?”

“You were agreeing that we’d never date.” Peter said firmly, and shot a web towards the sky, shooting up and out of the alley before Deadpool could say anything else.

“Damn.” He chuckled and scratched at his head. “Spidey playing hard to get.”

*****************

Wade landed with a thump on the roof next to Peter and tossed him a chimi.

“Thank god.” Peter mumbled and shoved his mask up to just above his nose so he could eat. “Thank you so much.”

“No worries.” Wade lifted his own mask to take a bite of his food, and Peter made sure not to look. He didn't ever look, knowing that if Wade thought for one second that he was staring, the mask would come down and this relaxed moment between them would end.

They were happening more and more-- post patrol, both of them starving after a night of fighting crime. Wade usually disappeared for a few minutes and reappeared with food and they would sit and eat together before going their separate ways. 

It was nice, for all of Wade's bluster and bullshit, he actually enjoyed the early morning quiet like this. Both fully in their suits, both still coming down from the high of fighting… just hanging out watching the sun rise. 

It was… nice.

And Peter wasn't going to do anything to spoil it.

“Got you a name tag.” Wade said casually inbetween bites of food.

“What now?” Peter asked, confused.

“Got you a name tag.” Wade reached into the bag next to him and threw a giant handful of white packets in Peter's face.

“What the--damn it Wade!” Peter pushed them off his legs. “Why are you throwing sugar at---”

Wade started laughing.

“Are you kidding me?” Peter finally asked and Wade laughed harder. “Are you kidding me with this?” 

“Aw, come on sugar!” Wade made kissy faces at him and Peter just rolled his eyes. 

**********************

“Are you into computers, Spidey?”

“Wade… I swear to god…”

“Cuz you're turning my software into hardware!”

***********************

“Hungry Spidey?”

“Starving, thank you.” Peter bit into the burger with a happy sigh.

“Tell me, is your body from McDonalds?”

“Wade!”

“Cuz I'm lovin’ it!!”

************************

“Hey.”

“If you open your mouth with one of those stupid pick up lines again I'm leaving you on this roof, Wade, I swear.”

“I have a serious question.” Wade sounded hurt and Peter felt bad.

“Sorry. I just… you give me so much shit sometimes I forget you're serious too. Is everything alright?”

“I don't want to talk about it.” Wade shifted a little further away and Peter frowned. 

“No, Pool, I'm sorry. Come on.”

“Okay. Just---” Wade hesitated. “Just be truthful and honest with your answer, alright?”

“Of course.” Peter put his food down and turned so he was facing Wade more directly, wishing that they weren't wearing their masks so he could see his expression. “What is it?”

“We've been hanging out for a while.” Wade started softly. “And things are fun right? We laugh and we work really well together right?”

“Right.” Peter nodded. “I mean, you've really come a long way these last few months. Things are working out really well between us.”

“So.” Wade cleared his throat. “So will you go on an ate with me?”

“Sorry.” Peter frowned. “Sorry did you say an ‘ate’?”

“Yeah. I'll give you the D later!!” Wade absolutely howled with laughter and Peter threw the rest of his fries at him.

“Don't ever talk to me again. Jesus.”

**************************

“Spidey.”

“Wade, don't say a damn thing. You're lucky I even let you patrol with me tonight.”

“Spidey. Spidey. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. I swear to god I'll sing the song if you don't--”

“What is it Wade?”

“You know the difference between a boner and a cheeseburger?”

Peter sighed and glanced over the burrito Wade was devouring.

“You don't have a cheeseburger.”

“Oh my god, Spidey I am so in love with you for finishing my pick up lines.” 

“Whatever Wade.”

********************

********************

“Spidey are you hurt? Fucking talk to me, you okay? Did that fucker get you?” Wade was running worried hands gently over Peter, feeling his ribs gingerly, checking his stomach for blood.

There had been a long fight and several people hurt and then knife and then a gun and  _ someone _ fired and Spidey hadn't dodged fast enough. Wade had well…. well… well Spidey wouldn't be happy with what he did to the dumbass who had fired the gun but that wasn't the point.

The point was, there was a whole bunch of blood and Spidey was laying in it and Wade thought he was going to lose his mind if the kid didn't talk to him right now.

“Wade.” Finally,  _ finally,  _ a soft answer. “I'm fine. Not my blood.”

“Fuck.” Without even thinking about it, Wade rested his masked forehead against Spideys. “Thank god, baby boy, thought you were a goner.”

“M’fine. Little sore. But fine.”

“Okay. Okay okay okay.” Wade was still holding Peter's hand tight, still pressing their foreheads together, not caring that he was kneeling in all that blood, only caring that Spidey was breathing and talking.

“Wade.” Peter's voice softened. “Hey, I'm fine.” He squeezed Wade's hand gently. “But you're obviously not. It's been five minutes and you haven't dropped one ridiculous pick up line. Do I lose my charm when I'm covered in blood?”

“Pick up line.” Wade laughed a little. “Um. Damn baby boy is that a phone in your back pocket? Cuz your ass is calling me.”

“I don't know.” Peter squeezed Wade's hand again and lifted his mask above his nose. “Is that a gun in your pants or are you just happy to see me?”

“So happy to see you.” Wade muttered, and then jerked away when Peter leaned up and brushed a quick kiss over his still covered lips. “What are you doing?”

“What can I say?” Peter shrugged. “Apparently those pick up lines weren't as bad as you thought?”

“Oh yeah?” Wade asked hopefully and pulled his mask up to his nose as well. “Not so bad huh?”

“No I mean they were terrible.” Peter laughed a little. “But they worked.” He leaned up and kissed Wade again, sighing when Wade kissed him back gently. 

“I've got buckets more of them.”

“You will never see me naked if you say more than one them a day.” Peter threatened and Wade's mouth dropped.

“I get to see you naked?” He squeaked. “But we--but you--Spidey--”

“It's Peter.” He started to stand, grimacing at how sticky his suit was. “And why don't we go shower or something because this is…” he made another face and headed out. “You comin’ Wade?”

“Oh Peter.” Wade cried. “Petey sweetie, petey pumpkin pie walk a little bit slower so I can appreciate that ass. So much sass and such a sweet ass. Gonna pin you to the bed and--”

Peter whipped around and wrapped a web around Wade's waist, yanking him forward until he fell to his knees in front on him.

“Stop talking.” Peter whispered and kissed him again, long and slow. “And we can shower together.”

“After this sentence I'm never speaking again.” Wade promised, and Peter laughed before lacing their hands together and heading for his apartment.

********************

“Oh my god Spidey you make me feel like a light switch!!” Deadpool yelled, as they tried their damndest to curtail the flow of ridiculous minions another villain had unleashed on the city.

“Whys that?” Peter called as he swung above the fray.

“BECAUSE EVERYTIME I SEE YOU, YOU TURN ME ON!!!” Deadpool screamed and he could hear Peter shouting with laughter as he passed over.

“Shut UP Wade!!”


End file.
